inject the beat into my heart

Spring Break

2004-04-12T05:21:40Z

Fiday..
-went to lunch with doug and brett
-got my ass whooped at monopoly by brett
-got asked to flash brett and doug for mass monopoly money, i declined
-saw noise ratchet GOOD SHOW...
-i don't remember, i might have posted more about it ealier...

Saturday
-worked, it was sucky and slow
-family left me for the river

Sunday
-worked...feet hurted oh well
-hung out with taci and synthony, took awsome pictures....
-talked to some random guy on synthony's phone
-talked to hot naked josh on taci's computer
-talked to another guy on taci's screenname
-got in a fight with a robot on taci's computer
-went to denny's

Monday
-slept in
-went through closet, got rid of mass clothes
-sold some clothes
-tried to do vintage shopping with kathleen, we ended up at the mall later
-decided that i would get us lost on our trip home and we ended up on gopher canyon road..don't worry that is in the middle of NOWHERE
-tried to find this 'music store" that a kid was holding a sign for in san marcos...he was standing right by the gas station, right there by the theatre, don't follow the sign, i found no "music store"
-went to in and out for the second time that day...this time with tim
-talked with tim lots, decided that a peace treaty with the others was necessary
-we arn't gonna talk about the rest of the night...it pisses me off
-was informed that joe does in fact have something hanging in between his legs...great

Tuesday
-worked
-i don't remember doing anything else..hold on let me think...was suppose to hang out with jerry...but i feel like i am missing something that i did...fricker
-OH YEAH, got into a fight about music and have decided that i don't like my values or my likes and dislikes being disrespected
-stayed at home...yeah

Wednesday
-went to class
-went to taci's house, chilled with her and her mom,
-went to juanitas with taci..gooooood burritos...
-got ice cream at 7-11 as well as got hit on
-found FLIPZ...

Thursday
-went to finch show YAY
-saw todd, and pretty boy

Friday
-SHOTGUN VEGAS...got a poster hmmm joe i still think that you getting 6 dollars for 4 posters is kinda off..i mean yeah that one with our signatures is gonna be worth lots, but then why did WE have to pay for it???? hmmm

Saturday
-was gonna go to jet, it was sold out
-went to work, stayed an hour later than i was suppose to
-went with synthony and dru to go see cellar door, but then got lost mass times and when we finally got to where we they were suppose to be playing, we realize that it was someone's house and we were quickly over it...
-went and saw taking lives...good movie, quite scary

Sunday
-slept in late
-talked to dad about college, i still don't have any definite answer to which college i am going to but i have a plan that i have to work for
-emailed epicentre about a job
-emailed soma about job openings
-asked dad to help me with resume for lous
-worked on an essay that is due wednesday for psychology of women
-finished atlas shrugged
-going to eat my ice cream...
-learned how to do this
<3_<3_<3_

achievement

2004-04-12T03:43:01Z

I FINISHED ATLAS SHRUGGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aneed2try @ 2004-04-11T15:50:00

2004-04-11T23:39:10Z

and maybe not

aneed2try @ 2004-04-11T00:07:00

2004-04-11T08:07:56Z

i've never had to make a big decision in my life. what am i going to do. this is eating at me constantly. i think i know my decision and it isn't going to be easy. i don't get attached, isn't that right corey.... shit. that's right, i don't. sure, bullshit. crying over spilt milk doesn't help anything though. gotta keep it together, hold everything in place. things will heal. this too shall pass. this is my decision, and my decision alone. no looking back, no "i coulda done more here" or any of that bullshit. just go. i need to talk to my dad one more time, make sure that this isn't final. that in two years or however long i decide to stay is okay. as long as i transfer. it won't be so bad, a new place to explore. i think i am gonna have to get irvine out of my system this summer...stay there as much as possible, save up money to stay the weekend. who knows. maybe i will come back down here, maybe i will stay up there, maybe it won't be so small, maybe it will. all i can do is find out right. jump and know that i have the wings to fly. oh man, i am gonna miss you

aneed2try @ 2004-04-09T15:18:00

2004-04-09T23:29:18Z

i have named my black and white converse flower. you know like bambi....the skunk's name is flower. my shoes are like skunks, no they don't stink, they are just black and the tongue is white. just thought i would let you know.

god's gift to corey

2004-04-09T20:48:45Z

after being without my beloved chocolate covered pretzels for sooo long, i have finally found them again. FLIPZ are the best damn food i have ever eaten. and they are depleating, not just the amount in my bag, but the amount in stores. nobody carries these beautiful pieces of heaven anymore...::tear::

good show

2004-04-09T08:14:28Z

i saw finch tonight, they fuckin rock. okay so here is how it goes, OHH i have a pin in my pocket, let me get that out first...okay, better. so like i was saying, brett and i get there and there is a sign that says sold out, LUCKILY we had tickets beforehand..yeah so we go in and it is hot as hell, yes it was damn hot, it seems that we have missed the first band but neither of us cry about that. the second band is good, though i can't tell you who they were cuz i have no fuckin clue...so yeah, i saw pretty boy there and i guess that is because he works there, hmmm that explains a lot. his girlfriend is pretty beat, yeah i'm not about that couple, he could do soooo much better, say ME for instance...hmmm yeah i allow myself a couple of seconds of thinking highly of me every once in a while...so on with the wonderful story. i am standing with brett watching counterfit (good band by the way, that is the pin i got), and some people push there way through and other people dance and push there way around, whatever...and brett and i get separated (i expect this to happen and don't really care), so then pretty boy and beat girl (oh man that is mean, she really wasn't that bad) come and stand in front of me and then this fight starts and it was super funny (well only because i wasn't too close to it), but pretty boy steps in cuz he's "event staff" and i couldn't help but think that he wouldn't be able to stop the fight if he tried, i mean the most he could do is stun them with his pretty-ness but that is iffy, and then i thought (one last mean comment) he could just put his girlfriend there and the fight would be resolved, no one would wanna deal with it...(bitch corey, you are a bitch). so yeah, later i decide that it is waaay damn hot and by this time i have already lost brett to the sea of hot sweaty army kids that were annoying as hell and i cruised to the back to by a shirt. then i stood in back for finch, it was sweet. saw gimpy from soma (oh so cute) and then two guys from pensive...said hi to neither of them. then i found a new boy, we shall call him conductor (he's super adorable), and yeah. then the show ended with what it is to burn. yeah, the only song i actually knew...but still they kicked ass. and then i have to wait around for brett while the stupid lights go on and shit....yeah THAT was fun. but i saw todd from cellar door and said hi to him and then got in a bunch o people's way, OH i saw a girl from my english class there too, it was odd. but then i came how and started writing this thing. i also started talking to this kid (he's actually 4 years older than me, def not a kid) and we got into an interesting conversation and it basically ended with him calling me a smart woman and it made me happy. it is soooo much better to be respected for your values then leered at cuz of your body. oh man. he asked me what i am looking for in a relationship and i couldn't figure out exactly what to say, cuz i have no idea. but then i started thinking about it and i started to see some things that i definitely would not be able to handle. i also realized how big of an issue respect is in a relationship. i know that i am not easy to deal with, believe me, sometimes i feel it would be easier if i was just a slut..but i am not, and i am happy that i am not. there are things that i hold dear to myself and am not willing to give up for just anything that come by. maybe i am old fashioned, maybe i am naive or maybe i am just a little more mature in my thinking. who knows. the point is that as lost as i feel, i realize that i have more figured out then i ever thought i did. and that is comforting. i know that a most of the positions that i occupy now are because of choice, not luck. i look back at things i thought i wanted and realize that they wouldn't be true to me. it is a good feeling. anyways i have rambled quite a bit. night night.

warped tour

2004-04-08T18:34:57Z

last year when they posted the bands that were gonna be on the warped tour, they said which bands were playing what dates, i would find that very helpful if they did that this year but i don't think they did. i guess tickets go on sale the 10th but i don't think that it ever "sells out" or whatever here @ coors. not only that but on the civic tour, i guess death cab for cutie is supppose to be there but only on certain dates and i want to know what dates those are...I WANT DEATH CAB..ugh everytime i go to write death cab for cutie i always start it like death bac...yeah it's annoying. and this post is quite lame. i am done.

hmmmm

2004-04-08T08:14:23Z

wow, so hanging with taci is ALWAYS interesting. to say the least. so we are at 7-11 and we are getting ice cream and such and these guys are waiting outside and this one guys decides to start talking to me. it was interesting, he got my number, i guess we are gonna hang out sometime. hmmm. i like having the upper hand in this although i always seem to fumble with it. hmmm. there is really nothing else to say. i am done. and tired. goodnight. OH MAN I FOUND FLIPZ!!!!!!

my weekend

2004-04-07T19:46:41Z

thursday: little bit o work, finch
friday: shotgun vegas, reeve oliver and parker theory
saturday: little bit o work, nap, Jet and the vines
sunday: no work, just chill

Life. is. good.
<3

aneed2try @ 2004-04-06T21:12:00

2004-04-07T05:02:06Z

i am tired of people telling me that the music i listen to is shit. fuck off.

aneed2try @ 2004-04-06T21:04:00

2004-04-07T04:53:58Z

i wanna find a guy that i can randomly call up to go get ice cream with...

aneed2try @ 2004-04-06T18:57:00

2004-04-07T02:47:31Z

whatever number i left off at, let's just say 13...
13) find a goal to work hard for
14) find a new job

things to do in the next week

2004-04-07T02:44:31Z

1) make progress in the college decision (cries)
2) register to vote (i have to do that tomorrow)
3) buy tickets to shotgun vegas, jet, maybe finch, warped tour, falling for alba...(decide on the finch show by tonight)
4) write an essay for PoW
5) learn this damn thing called MLA format
6) finish reading atlas shrugged (i am going to work on that tonight)
7) fast for the doctor :makes yucky face:
8) grocery shopping
9) car wash
10) find a solution to the drama
11) plan for the boogie...
12) get mae and noise ratchet cd

i can't fuckin believe this

2004-04-06T07:56:28Z

well the ribbon worked swell.
i ain't gonna be supportive, that is the last thing you need. i tried, i really did. but this is fucked. i know that i haven't been in the same situation, but that is because i would never let myself get there. self control, learn it or you are screwed. i don't know what else to tell you exept the fact that i never want to hear his name again. i don't wanna hear how he has been there for you because i think that is bullshit. we have been here for you before he was even a thought, we felt like shit when you left us for him, we feel like shit now. just because we don't have something hanging between our legs doesn't mean that we don't have the ability to care about you just as much if not more than any guy. more so because we aren't looking for anything but friendship. i don't fuckin understand. what is it that i give in a friendship that is so easy to place to the side. please will you tell me cuz i am FUCKIN LOST HERE.

dammit

2004-04-01T21:06:54Z

i like this new icon thing that i have. oh man props i have to give to the person that made it..thank you much get_nak3d, so yeah. adam is damn pretty. it takes my mind of the depressing fact that i didn't get into whatever it is called. uci. it sucks so damn hard i swear. i feel like crying but i am not going to, i have to go to work. i hate this. i can't look back from here, i just have to figure out what else i can do. oh man, i was looking forward to that area. ::sighs::

aneed2try @ 2004-03-31T16:44:00

2004-04-01T00:34:08Z

why the fuck does it matter corey, please tell me, why the fuck does it matter?

aneed2try @ 2004-03-29T22:45:00

2004-03-30T06:34:53Z

haha i didn't go home kicking my own ass tonight, and that is all that matters.

nothing much

2004-03-30T02:11:35Z

i don't write much in here anymore since i got my xanga. i guess i am fickle when it comes to journals cuz i get a new one and i kinda forget about the old one. oh well, i am so sorry guys, it's not like anything i say in any of them are super important. they are just kinda there. anyways, points from my weekend...

friday:
-physicals suck ass, i hate doctors...
-i have to fast for 12 hours some day soon and go to the doctor again, i don't know how i am going to do it, 12 hours!!!! i never go that long without food, i always have food...
-i waste time easily
-nobody wanted a story of the year ticket last notice they all had other plans (lame asses!!)
-story of the year is fuckin awsome (i already was aware of this fact but still..)
-adam from story of the year is a sex god and i think he will be one of my future husbands (so beautiful)
- sweaty guys breathing down on ur head is NOT HOT
-soma rocks my socks
-herbal essence is now the name of a super cute kid

saturday:
-sleeping in is so great
-i get lost no matter where i go...well not so much lost as i take the long way around,...every fuckin time i swear
-there is an in and out on the balboa exit
-cellar door is good, todd is nice
-herbal essence may just live at soma like me
-drunk guys are always up to talk (oh man, they really like to touch you too..)
-telling someone you'll go see their band makes them super happy
-sugarcult is playing soon, i am going
-in and out owns
-cute drummers are very convincing, or maybe i am just easy to convince when it comes to going to shows...(yeah, definitely the latter..)
-doing homework while on the computer never pulls

sunday
-power outages rock
-people are afraid of the dark
-hardcore shoppers continue to shop even when all the power goes out..(i hate them)
-it was TOM, not mark that was at my store on saturday, TOM, TOM fuckin DELONGE...DAMMIT...katie the whore (she knows i love her) told me it was mark, not tom, and i have already met mark so i was like, i'll be lazy and stay at home, no it was the love of my life, tom delonge, yes i understand he has a wife, yes i understand he has a kid, YES i understand he is 10 yrs older than me, so it was an exaggeration, shoot me..but still, he is so damn hot
-work still sucks my ass...
-we got another kitten, her name is saki, first female cat ever in this household

monday (i know that is not the weekend but still):
-this holiday life played at our school...it was fun
-i am going to see them on friday (i didn't know that , i was just going for noise ratchet)
-people like to bail on me, oh well..i will get over it
-i had more but i don't know what...

anyways, tonght should be fun, i am going back to soma. i <3 that place lots. obviously

nickname game

2004-03-25T05:28:58Z

what is up with people giving me pet names lately. am i just that cool of a person, do i even need you to answer that...the answer, of course is yes. haha. anyways, i just thought i would share all the nicknames that people have given me, they're great. i was thinking one day a while ago about how i never had a nickname that stuck, but now i realize that the pet name that each person gives me sticks when i see them. so i go by 394783 different names....and here they are: corebear- shayda likes that one... corky (romano)- darin made that shit up coreycary- this kid sam in my midi class...hahaha FODERFODERFODER nm cor- dad, mom, tara... whore: doug, taci, katie...the list would go on forever whorey: taci, doug, again the list would go on forever slut, skank and ho: arn't my friends nice bitch: anybody who has crossed me (chelsea, michelle...) hotty: liz babe: brett, joe, taci, katie swiss miss (because i am as white and pure as milk): ryan from work douche: my manager cindy, darin (cuz he thinks he is my boss...;)hahaha oh man good times) bridget (supposedly i look like bridget fonda): my old boss mark hard core-y: back in the days of jon and chelsea, it's still a pretty chill name corey-asarus rex: again from days of jon and chelsea, still funny shit and there is more, but hey, my mind is running a blank here...i found some awsome bands today, and GUESS WHAT, this super chill band called reeve oliver is going to be playing with shotgun vegas on the 9th so i am super stoked cuz i just found their name today and that hey they are gonna be playing at a show i am already going to....SWEET. so i am stoked..and HYPER AS HELL....gnight. <3 oh and my friend steve is in a band called shining thru, go check them out www.purevolume.com/shiningthru

i've decided

2004-03-25T03:16:05Z

i have nothing to do saturday day so i think i am gonna watch donnie darko...if u wish to join me let me know. i might also watch clueless..hmm i know an interesting mix of movies, but hey, why not.

aneed2try @ 2004-03-23T17:19:00

2004-03-24T01:20:53Z

i have no words left for this feeling...pity party you ask: maybe i reply. who the fuck knows. i have tried and tried to be more positive and yeah it is better. i really think it is, but my situation hasn't changed any. yes my attitude has changed, but me, the flaws i need to fix, they arn't going away. and you know why, because i am to damn scared to fix them. scared of what you ask: too much to name, i answer. i don't want to go into it, i am afraid of what you will think if i do, i don't deall with this well...i don't know who reads this anymore besides taci and synthony, i really don't know who skips over it. i don't blame you if you do. there is nothing more than an ordinary girls rambles in here. i have found nothing in myself to set me apart. nothing that i can sell, nothing that i have 100% confidence about. i feel so damn weak right now. i let myself get bad at dancing again, i let myself care about what other think. it hurts. i am so dissapointed. i use to be good at this. i use to be able to dance, hell i still can, but i don't feel comfortable doing it. what does dancing have to do wiht anything you ask: it's a fuckin metaphor for reality i reply...UGH, i'll shut the fuck up now, this doesn't help me. this doesn't help anyone. nothing that anyone could comment would make this better. because nothing anyone says will prevent it from happening again. my mind doesn't let me have opifanies or however the fuck you spell that, because i understand that there is no such thing. i have advice for everyone else, but i can't take it myself. ahhh, this sucks, i feel sick and i want what i can't have. always how it is. i want what i can't fuckin have because they have something else and because they don't want in the way i want them because i am too much to deal with. well fuck. i can't turn my head off. i try to ignore it, but i have nothing to work on. so here it is. a long list of words that will mean nothing. if you got this far i am sorry. i am gonna go deal with dance now. have a nice time doing whatever and whoever you are doing tonight. i will be doing ballet. not that is not the kind of dancing i mean. that takes more time than anything else to learn. i don't expect to be good at that in the first 7 years. whatever i am done.

aneed2try @ 2004-03-23T17:06:00

2004-03-24T00:58:25Z

because i am cool, i chicken out big time, and i let them slip through my fingers. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

aneed2try @ 2004-03-21T21:29:00

2004-03-22T05:27:23Z

so here it is, me being worried about where i am going to go after high school. i mean i fea m left with no choices cuz i didn't give myself enough. i don't think i want to go to sdsu...i can't go to ucsb or cal poly cuz those fucks don't want me. i really don't think i wanted to go there anyways. who knows, i have no clue. sonoma is nice enough but so damn far from everything...do i really want to pack up and go there? i think my mind is set on irvine but i haven't got an acceptance letter so i don't know what to do. maybe just wait it out. i just don't want to be super dissapointed when i get the rejection from uci. cuz when that happens i won't have another plan to fall back on. i need a plan but i don't have one. maybe tomorrow will be better.

aneed2try @ 2004-03-20T21:54:00

2004-03-21T05:44:57Z

read the vagina monologues, it's amazing. finished it in about an hour...simply amazing